She Wouldn't Be Emily Gilmore
by yesitsme
Summary: And now, as she stared at Rory, all she could think of was herself nineteen years ago. (Lorelai and Rory. Post-Finale.)


She Wouldn't Be Emily Gilmore

Lorelai watched her daughter's tiny body shake with each sharp cry, and for once, had no idea what to do. She wanted to comfort her daughter, her best friend, but something inside held her back. It could have been the pain, or the disappointment, but it felt deeper. It felt like terror. A terror that was rooted so deep that seeing it even now in her older age made her body freeze in it's place. It wasn't a typical mothers fear of hoping her child doesn't get pregnant, or make a bad choice, or have sex too young...it was the fear of seeing herself in Rory. Sure they had the same eyes, the same laugh, and the same love for all bad movies, but when it came to life-altering decisions - Lorelai didn't want Rory to have the same luck in that area.

But this time she did.

---

"Mom stop yelling at me!" Lorelai cried, getting more frustrated by the second.

"What could you have been thinking? Oh please, don't tell me that because its obvious that you weren't. You had everything, Lorelai, everything! Now you've thrown it all away. How could you _do_ this to yourself? To _us_! How are we supposed to tell everyone?!"

Lorelai felt the tears form in her eyes and quickly wiped them away. She wouldn't break. Not for Emily, not for anyone.

"And now you sit here and tell me that you're pregnant right before my D.A.R. meeting? How I applaud your perfect timing Lorelai. For this and for..._that_!" Emily pointed angrily at Lorelai's stomach, which in turn Lorelai defensively covered with both hands.

"Don't you even care about me? About what's going through my mind? You think this is easy for me?"

"Who's the father?"

Lorelai felt her heart drop, "Mom...you know I'm with Christopher."

"I know."

Hurt, Lorelai continued, "So...who else's would it be?" She whispered.

"You know Lorelai there's a lot of things I thought I knew. Apparently you are not one of them anymore, so don't act as if this question is out of place. Is this Christopher's child that you're carrying or not?"

"Yes!" Lorelai snapped, "Of course it Chris' child, I've never been with anyone else and...God, what is wrong with you? You _never_ knew me! You never wanted to know me! And now, I try to tell you this hoping that for once you'll..." Lorelai stopped at the sight of Emily's stoic demeanor. "You don't care, do you? I hate you!" Grabbing her jacket, Lorelai stumbled to put it on while running down the stairs and out the front door. All she had wanted was for once, her mother to be just that. Her mother.

And now, as she stared at Rory, all she could think of was herself nineteen years ago. Nineteen years ago, when her emotions consumed her body as she felt her legs give way beneath her. Nineteen years ago, when she dropped to her knees and let the tears stream down her cheeks, as her body began to shake and she started to cry. Nineteen years ago, when all she wanted was someone to hug her and tell her that she would be alright. Nineteen years ago, when she heard Emily open the door, then close it quietly without a word.

She wouldn't be Emily Gilmore.

Lorelai swallowed hard and descended slowly down the steps towards Rory, knowing all to well what that feeling of loneliness was like. Stopping behind her, she gently rested her hand on Rory's shoulder and lightly squeezed. Rory tensed and thoughtlessly jerked away before realizing who it was behind her and letting herself relax. Looking up, Rory wiped her cheek with the back of her hand and finally saw the disappointment and hurt in her mothers eyes. She hadn't seen it before, not because she didn't want to but because she was blinded by her own stupidity. Telling the one person in the world who loved her the most that she hated her? Yea, definitely stupidity.

There was a long pause. Rory wasn't sure if Lorelai was still mad, and Lorelai wasn't sure if Rory still hated her. The uncomfortable separation between them was something neither had experienced before, and it wasn't something they knew how to deal with. Sure, they had fought and argued and yelled but it was nothing compared to this. This was big, and it stung to deep to be done and over with after a few hugs and apologies.

Stooping down to Rory's level, Lorelai finally broke the silence, "Ror..."

Taking that as her chance, Rory lunged into her mothers arms and began to breakdown even more so than before. "I'm so sorry Mom, I love you, and I didn't mean it. I d-didn't me-"

"Shh," Lorelai rocked Rory back and fourth, silently remembering the way she used to when Rory was a baby. "We're gonna be okay, we're going to make it through this, alright?" Feeling Rory's body shiver, Lorelai pulled her in closer. She tried with everything inside her to be the strong one, but eventually cracked, and let her tears flow freely down her cheeks. Choking through her words, she continued, "I love you Rory, okay? I love you know matter what you do, or what you say, or what decisions you make. I'll always be here for you."

Hugging her daughter tightly, Lorelai rested her chin on Rory's head. She knew they would be there for quite some time, but for Lorelai, that was okay. Because this was Rory, _her_ daughter, and for that reason alone she would stay there forever.

****

A/N - One parter. Hope you liked it.


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